The Colbert Report/Episode/530
Production Info |- |} |- |} The Check-In * Dr. Colbert guesses who will be the guest on His Jewish Friend's program ** it might be Tea Leoni ** it might be Alexander Graham Bell Intro SEGMENT1 * Dr. Colbert saw something that shook him to the core * scientists found a fossil in the Arctic ** calling it Predator X ** Laura Ingraham will have to get a new nickname * this proved that Jesus had scuba gear ** He had to have buried them 6,00 years ago * explains the wetsuit of Turin SEGMENT2 * no problem is too complex to * Dr. Colbert has to sharpen his pitchfork, for when he leads his Angry Mob later ** some Wall Street fatcats have leathery skins * Obama condemned AIG's 165$ million in bonuses ** spent money on justification e-Cards * national mood was summed up by Charles Grassley ** they would do both on a Japanese Game Show * Tonight's Word: Keeping Our Heads * corporations like AIG are too big to fail ** someone must pay for what they've done * Dr. Colbert doesn't need to know how they're making him money * March Madness, NCAA tournament ** 65, single-elimination tournament * opportunity for uninformed gambling * instead of basketball, hand-to-hand mortal combat in a thunderdome ** packed with taxpayers * Round 1: ** Citigroup v Bank of America *** the winner will take on: * Thane v Blade-armed Manbeast from 300 * the last man standing will take on the Moneysaurus ** (footage of Moneysaurus taking on the CEO of Chrsyler--airbags didn't deploy, parachute did) * hysteria America's only growth industry * by losing our heads, we can hope to replenish the CEOs to keep the game going Tip of the Hat, Wag of the Finger * Dr. Colbert reminds us it's not polite to point; which is why he wags * selling children will be illegal ** bring Mississippi into the 19th century * Wag for Mississippi legislators ** can we afford another constraint on small business? ** only industry with growth potential * Wag for Jerry Springer and Mauri Povich ** relocating to Stamford, Connecticut * Tip to SciFi channel ** changing name to SyFy * tide is finally turning in his The War Against The Silent C ** early days WPTS in Patterson Springs, North Carolina Interview * Juan Cole * book: "Engaging the Muslim World" * Dr. Colbert's guest says America should engage the Muslim world. Why buy the cow, when you can get the resentment for free? * Dr. Colbert has a message to the Muslim world :Islam is a great and true religion as told to Mohammed, Peace be upon him! * first page is blank, to be used as a white flag to surrender * discourages bullets and bombs * didn't know the surge worked * works at the Ivory tower of the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor ** was too liberal for him * advocating an engagement of the other side's views * they are radical and chant in the streets "Death To America" * they like the United States ** admiration of our ideals ** don't like some of our policies * Tunisia, Egypt and Jordan don't chant in the streets * great silence to the people who say "Death To America" ** which is true on The Colbert Report * 82% of the 10% who supported Al Qaeda want to stop terrorism * Juan Cole may be responsible for the banking crisis * what more can we do besides elect a Secret Muslim * what they want ** they want development aid ** stop occupying their countries * Dr. Colbert is hoping to Dubai ** 5-star restaurant where they bring you your food on a MagLev train Epilogue * Dr. Colbert is afraid that is all the time we have left, until he can get to Sam's Club and get more Gallery Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments